


I Need You Too

by xxenjoy



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Hurt/Comfort, M/M, motel sex, post 9x03
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-09
Updated: 2013-12-09
Packaged: 2018-01-04 02:45:30
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,719
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1075604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xxenjoy/pseuds/xxenjoy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"I can be the one who takes of you. I want to be the one who takes care of you"</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Need You Too

**Author's Note:**

> Oops! This is super overdue!   
> I started this immediately after 9x03 because I was so... displeased... with it and I guess I got distracted.  
> I've been stuck on "I'm Here, I'm Yours" so I decided to finish it up.   
> Oh how I wish this was the only shit Dean had to deal with now ;-;

"I can't do anything about it, I can't _fix anything_." Cas pulled him close and held him. He held him while Dean fell apart in his arms - not for the first time. 

"Can we go somewhere?" soft words were accompanied by long fingers curling into his hair.

"I can't take you back with me, Cas."

"Alright," he pulled back a little, enough to look Dean in the eye and he smiled at him, "come with me, then."

Dean was gone, and he knew it; he was broken. He had lost everything this time, and Cas was the one picking him up off the floor. He had chosen Sam, and he would do it again in a heartbeat, but he hated having to choose because how could he do that to Cas? He had kicked him out of the bunker less than twenty-four hours ago and now here he was, holding Dean and smiling at him like everything was okay again. Had it ever been okay?

He stopped suddenly and pulled his hand back, realizing with a sudden rush that Cas had grabbed it and had been holding it.

"I can't Cas, I can't keep doing this." Cas released his hand and turned around to face Dean.

"Dean, you don't believe you deserve this."

"Cas, I _chose,_ okay. I chose Sam over you. Over and over again, and you know I'll keep doing it." He wanted Cas to go, to realize that Dean could never give him 100% of himself, that he'd be better off without the Winchesters. He wanted Cas to be happy, even if that meant being without him. 

"And I'll be here when Sam's okay again."

"But this, Cas, _this_ isn't okay. I hate myself for this. For pushing you away one second and grabbing you back the next."

"It's okay, Dean," and for a moment, looking into blue eyes, Dean believed that it might be. There was so much conviction in Cas' words and he just wanted to believe. 

"Cas?"

"Being human is hard, and maybe I never gave you enough credit before - neither you nor Sam - but I understand now. Sometimes you will have to choose Sam, he's been there with you from the beginning, and I will never come between you. But I want you to stop acting like this." His voice hardened, "I am offering you comfort, a chance to escape from the decisions you have to make. Take it. Now come on," he added softly, taking Dean's hand again. 

\---

The motel room was small, smaller than Dean was used to but then again, Cas wasn't sharing with anyone else. He sat down on the edge of the small desk, watching Cas as he closed the door and took his jacket off, laying it over the back of the chair. 

"Sit down, Dean. We need to talk."

Dean laughed humourlessly at the parallel and shook his head. 

"Dean, please." The hunter licked his lips and proceeded to stare down at his boots. "It's a miracle Sam has put up with you for so long. You're very frustrating, Dean. I just want to ask you about Sam. Please sit down."

He did so as dramatically as he could manage, and flopped down on the edge of the bed. Cas sat down beside him, hands folded in his lap.

"You said you had to choose, between Sam and I?"

"I can't talk about it. You know I'd never- look, just drop it, Cas." There was an empty silence after that, no sound other than the two of them breathing, just out of sync. 

Cas shuffled back behind Dean, pressing his hands to Dean's shoulders. Dean leaned into the touch as Cas' fingers pressed into his shirt.

"Cas..."

"You're under a lot of stress, Dean. I've heard this is a good way to relieve stress." Dean murmured something contentedly. 

"Where did you even learn to do that, Cas?"

"April, she..." he faltered, then quickly turned the topic around; Dean hadn't reacted well when he'd told him about April, and he wasn't exactly eager to think about her himself. "Can you at least tell me why I can't stay?" The _with you_ was implied, but Castiel dare not say it out loud. "I thought you wanted me to go to the Bunker?"

"Oh God, I do-" Dean's voice crackled slightly and he swallowed hard, "it's complicated Cas. You know I wouldn't have asked you to- I want you to stay, I want to make it work, but it just... can't. Not now." Cas could feel him tighten beneath his hands, and his voice rose, "I don't want this anymore. Everything is on me and I just can't do it anymore, and every time I fuck up you're right there to defend me. _Why_ , Cas?"

In comparison, Cas' tone was much softer than Dean's, building him back up after he'd torn himself down. "You can't be strong for everyone. You take care of everyone around you and you don't think about yourself. I can be the one who takes of you. I _want_ to be the one who takes care of you, in any way I can."

A broken sound escaped Dean's throat, and he barely tried to hide it as he tugged at Cas' arm. Cas wound his arms around Dean's waist, clutching him tightly as the hunter shook in his arms. Cas pulled his arms back slowly, soothing a confused look from Dean with soft words. He pulled Dean's jacket and over shirt back over his shoulders, folding them neatly on the beside table. 

"Dean?" the response was barely a whisper, "lie down." Dean shot him a concerned look, but Cas smiled. "What do you think I'm going to do?"

Cas had a point, and so he complied, flopping forward unceremoniously onto the not-as-soft-as-he-was-expecting bed. Cas was sitting on his right, leaning over his back, and a wave of panic washed over him. What _was_ he going to do? Any other day he would have some smartass comment to shoot at Cas, but right now he was too exhausted - and more than a little bit nervous - to bother. 

His panic faded as Cas' hands smoothed over his shoulders, falling slowly down the slope of his back. Cas was hitting pressure points Dean didn't even know where there, and a small moan escaped his lips as he let his shoulders relax. 

"See? You need to relax, Dean." 

Dean was quiet, he didn't like breaking down - especially not when anyone was around to witness it - and it had happened twice in the last hour. He couldn't pinpoint when it had happened, but at some point Cas had become important enough to him to be placed just below Sam on his scale of importance. Then Ezekiel had made him choose. It hurt more than he cared to admit, having to tell Cas to leave, and he would have been able to cope if the ex-angel has yelled at him, or shoved him into the wall like he had once before, something that showed he was angry. 

It was frustrating, not knowing what Cas was thinking. Not knowing _why_ he would continue to be so forgiving, and Dean pushed the thought away. He didn't need to get worked up again over something that he could simply enjoy. 

"April taught you well, for such a pain in the ass," he mumbled. 

"Me, or her?" Cas chuckled.

"Definitely her. She teach you a lot of things?"

"A few" There was a low rumble from somewhere in the room, and Dean assumed it was him. He buried his face back in the comforter. He tried to clear his mind and focus only on the feeling of Cas' touch, but found his thoughts wandering unbidden to what _else_ he could do with those hands. 

Cas picked up on his earlier train of thought "Dean, you worry too much." Dean groaned at the interruption of his thoughts. Especially this one; he had had this conversation so many times over that he could practically predict what anyone would say to him.

"So you said," he replied, sounding grumpier than intended. 

"You stress yourself to breaking point and then stuff it all down again when something else comes up. Dean, you've only proved to me today how hard it's getting to keep it together."

"I'm fine, Cas." He craned his neck to look at him with a scowl on his face. He wasn't used to Cas speaking so much at once - unless he was angry - and he expected this speech was a long time coming.

"How difficult would it be for you to take a couple hours out of your day to do something for you? To just think about yourself for five minutes instead of everyone else in the world?"

Cas had pulled his hands away now and had them folded over his chest, gazing down at Dean with a 'well?' expression on his face.

"This is good," Dean smirked, coaxing a grin back out of Cas. He turned his face back into the bed as Cas returned to his task with a resigned sigh, Dean's moan muffled this time in the bed.

"I won't always be around when you want me, Dean." The hunter was about to ask why, but a wave of guilt washed his words away. He squeezed his eyes shut and forced the topic out of his mind. 

Cas' hands slipped under beneath Dean's shirt and Dean squirmed, trying to sink into the mattress and press up into Cas' fingers simultaneously. The result was something not unlike a puppy trying to escape from it's bath.

Cas chuckled and manoeuvred himself over Dean's hips, straddling him and pinning him to the mattress. "You have to keep still." He slipped Dean's shirt over his head easily and ran his hands down Dean's spine, pressing in along either side. 

He shifted to rubbing small circles into Dean's lower back. By now Dean had lost all sense of time; the feeling of bare hands on his back was sending shivers down his spine and he cared less and less about holding back the moans that Cas was drawing out. His cock twitched with interest and he tried to protest, tried to warn Cas that the situation was taking an entirely new direction, but it came out as a plea rather than a deterrent. 

Dean rolled his hips against the firmness of the mattress. It took all his effort not to continue and he wanted desperately to ask Cas to stop, but his voice wasn't cooperating. At any rate, if he asked Cas to stop, he would probably have to sit up, and in his current state, he would rather avoid that.

" _Cas_ " 

" _Dean_ " the response came quicker than expected, warm and breathless in his ear, sending a jolt through Dean's body that went straight to his now semi-hard cock.

He swallowed hard and his eyes fluttered shut, but before he had a chance to reply, Cas had returned his attention to Dean's back, running hands down his arms and kissing between his shoulder blades. Dean shrugged his shoulders, letting Cas' hands fall to his sides, and rolled onto his side. He was met with flushed cheeks and wide eyes.

"Fuck, Cas," 

"I'm sorry Dean," he breathed, "I got carried away."

"It's fine, Cas. It's good." He flopped down and rolled onto his back, brushing his hands up Cas' arms skimming the sleeves of his t-shirt. His slid his hands under Cas' arms and over his shoulders, pulling him closer. "It's good," he repeated, as if to calm himself more than Cas. 

He pulled himself into a sitting position, drawing away from Cas more than he wanted to. He untangled his arms from the ex-angel, cupping his chin in one hand and rubbing circles in Cas' stubble with his thumb. Everything seemed to move in slow motion until Cas unexpectedly leaned in, pressing a chaste kiss to the corner of Dean's mouth. He looked up quickly, asking for permission and Dean didn't hesitate. 

His heart was racing as he pulled Cas down on top of him. Their lips met again, clumsy and rushed. Cas pulled down on Dean's lip, tracing it with his tongue and Dean groaned loudly. His hips jerked up, involuntarily, but the flush of his embarrassment went unnoticed as Cas yanked his own shirt over his head, barely separating their mouths as he flung it across the room. 

Dean lay panting below him, eyes wide as he watched his usually calm and reserved angel get so worked up. He smiled, realizing with pride that it was because of _him_ , and damn if that wasn't a little hot.

"Cas" he groaned, closing his eyes. He lifted his hips as Cas' lips left his own, trailing down the side of his neck, sucking red marks into his skin. He settled on a spot just above his collarbone, sucking and licking at the skin there before moving further down. 

Cas pressed a hand to the front of Dean's jeans, palming at his still clothed erection. 

" _Fuck, Cas_ " 

Dean swallowed hard as heat prickled up the back of his neck. He pulled Cas down by his belt loops, sliding his hands over the swell of his ass and holding him down as he ground their hips together. 

He knew, somewhere in the back of his mind, that this was one of the stupidest things he had ever done; he was blatantly taking advantage of a friend who wanted to help. He didn't want to stop, but he wanted Cas to _know_ , he wanted him to know _everything_ but his - as Sam had once called them - upstairs and downstairs brains were not cooperating. 

His hips jerked forward and Cas let out a desperate whimper. Cas pushed himself up so all his weight was on his arms and their only contact was from the waist down. Dean wasted no time in reaching for the buttons on Cas' jeans, fumbling to get the undone as he leaned up to kiss him. It was messy and urgent, a swirl of tongues and a clash of teeth but Dean wanted more. He bit and kissed his way down Cas neck. 

Cas pulled Dean's jeans off of him without much assistance, leaning over to nip at Dean's hip bones. Dean groaned, pulling him flush against his chest. Dean's hips jerked forward, grinding against Cas' cock.

"Oh, _fuck, Dean_ " he thrust up again and Cas met him, quickly falling into rhythm with each other. Dean lost himself in the string of profanities spilling from Cas' lips. 

Cas rocked against him, picking up his pace and mumbling what sounded like 'oh, fuck' over and over. Dean groaned and wrapped his hand around both of them, fisting their cocks together desperately. 

He was close and if Cas was going to keep moaning like that, he wasn't going to last much longer. He could barely focus on anything but the way they moved together, how Cas fit against him perfectly...

" _Uhn, Dean_ -" Cas' voice was lost and his teeth sunk into his bottom lip, eyes squeezing shut. He thrust forward hard, pulling a loud groan from Dean. Cas grunted as he shot forward, spilling his release over Dean's bare stomach. 

Cas' chin dropped against his chest, and Dean tilted it up.

"Hey, Cas. Cas, look at me," he leaned up into an awkward kiss, barely grazing Cas' lips before his head fell back again. 

"Dean"

A smooth hand pushed his own aside, wrapping long fingers around Dean's cock. His wrist twisted as he pumped up and down, leaving Dean gasping. 

Dean fell back onto the mattress with a muffled shout, jerking up shakily into Cas' hand as he rode out his orgasm.

Cas dropped next to him a moment later, still breathing heavily, and rolled onto his side, pulling Dean into a sloppy kiss. They fell apart again, laughing. 

"You've got a mouth on you, y'know that?"

Cas smirked at him, but didn't say anything, just leaned over and pressed a kiss to his shoulder. Dean realized a moment too late that's where his handprint had been. He rolled onto his side, pressing his forehead to Cas'.

"We'll work something out, I promise. I need Sam, but I need you too."

"I don't understand..."

"We're going home, Cas."


End file.
